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1-Page Summary of Winning With People
To have good relationships, you must be open and supportive of others. Do this by shaping your own attitude to be accepting and positive towards others. Follow these “People Principles” to boost your relationships:
The problems in most relationships stem from how people view themselves. Generally, you view other people the way you see yourself. Self-perception determines your outlook on life—whether you’re pessimistic or optimistic and whether you trust others or not. To change the way we form relationships and to make our relationships stronger, we need to reshape the lens through which we view each other.
The Mirror Principle – Self-awareness is one of the most difficult traits to develop. People are often unaware of who they really are, which can be a problem since it makes them uncomfortable around other people. Therefore, when you know yourself and when you have become comfortable with the person you actually are, your interactions with others will be easier. Poor self-awareness can be the greatest obstacle to forming relationships because people have unrealistic expectations about how friendships should or shouldn’t work out. The solution: reassess yourself and change those perceptions that provoke problems in your friendships.
Many people are affected by psychological or emotional problems. They might, in turn, hurt others if they’re in pain. If you’re dealing with someone who’s having a hard time emotionally, don’t take their reactions personally and try to figure out what the problem is. Don’t fight back if you get attacked; instead get help or support from those around you.
The Hammer Principle – Overreacting is a common reaction to many emotional situations. To avoid overreacting, take a broad view of the total problem and listen to the other person’s questions while grasping the situation before offering answers. Saying the right thing or leaving things unsaid is important, as well as not resurrecting past arguments. Before arguing, determine if it will undermine your friendship and know when to stop fighting by admitting your mistakes.
“The Elevator Principle” – You can change someone’s mood by downplaying or exaggerating their flaws. In a relationship, it is harder to be supportive than to be destructive. People like those who add something to their lives and elevate negative environments.
One of the most important principles to build relationships is to put others’ interests ahead of your own. If you are selfish, you will lose the ability to consider other people’s feelings. This can be changed as we mature and upgrade our priorities in life; many people shift their focus from themselves towards considering others needs later on in life. Keep yourself in perspective, keep your ego under control and focus on what makes your life fulfilling.
The exchange principle is a simple but powerful concept. If you were in someone else’s position, what would you do? Asking that question can change your perspective dramatically. To get a different perspective, listen to other people’s concerns and try to see problems from their point of view by asking questions about how they feel about the issue and why they think it’s important. Try to recognize their concerns as well as any attitudes or perceptions that you share with them.
Every person has something to offer, and it’s important to be receptive. If you think that only certain people are worth learning from, then you could fail to recognize the diverse talents of those who surround you. Instead, acknowledge that education can come from anyone. As a result of this philosophy, value your mentors and learn what they have to teach you.
