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1-Page Summary of We Need to Talk
Introduction
In times of crisis, it’s crucial that people know how to communicate effectively. For example, in a medical emergency or airplane disaster, people need to be able to get their message across clearly and quickly.
Obviously, our lives don’t depend on every conversation we have. But think about how many things might be different if you were a better conversationalist.
This summary will discuss the evolution of communication skills, explain why emails can’t take the place of face-to-face conversation, and show how to master important communication skills.
Conversation as a Survival Skill
Humans have been communicating verbally for more than a million years. We’re the only species who can communicate with language, which we use to share ideas and feelings with each other. Communication is also used to romance our mates, threaten enemies, tell stories, make contracts and describe what hurts us so that doctors know how to treat us.
Conversation is a great tool for us human beings. We can say things that may differ from what we think, and people will not know it. For example, your partner might say “It’s OK that you forgot my birthday,” but they could be thinking something else entirely.
We’ve evolved as a species to be good at in-person communication, but we seem to have forgotten the importance of one-on-one conversations. This is because technology makes it easier for us to communicate with people through texts and emails instead of having meaningful face-to-face conversations. Technology also allows us to avoid talking about things that might cause conflict by keeping ourselves isolated from those who disagree with our beliefs or opinions.
Technology is important, but it can’t do everything. We need to talk face-to-face about the problems that really matter.
Communication and Conversation Are Not the Same
E-mail conversations are different from face-to-face communication. The ability to empathize and understand what the other person is saying is very important in those conversations.
Empathy is one way to bond with other people. Emails and texts are efficient ways to communicate, but they don’t always bring you a sense of connection. In fact, sometimes it’s the opposite—you can feel disconnected when reading an email or text from someone you know well. But having a conversation with that person brings you closer in some ways because it gives you more context for what they’re saying and helps deepen your understanding of them as a person.
When you’re about to have a serious conversation, stop and think about what your goal is. This will help you focus on the heart of the matter rather than getting distracted by things that aren’t important. You can do this just like when you go grocery shopping with a list and avoid buying stuff you don’t need.
Tools to Improve Your Communication Skills
Computers are designed to multitask, but people really shouldn’t be. It can cause stress and overstimulation as well as brain fog if you try doing multiple things at once. If you want to focus on one task, it’s a better idea to give that task your undivided attention.
For example, asking your son or daughter to take out the trash while they are streaming videos and texting with friends is like talking to an empty room. If you’re not fully invested in a conversation, there’s no point in having it.
To be invested in conversation means to put down your phone or laptop and pay attention. If you don’t have the time or energy for a focused talk, tell the other person that you can’t listen at the moment. You could say something like, “I’m sorry but I don’t have time right now. Let’s talk later?”
