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1-Page Summary of Unselfie

Overview

In our individualistic society, children are constantly being encouraged to compete with one another. With so many aspects of a child’s life steeped in competition, it’s little wonder that many children have grown up with their main concern being me, myself and I. It might seem logical to assume that helpful, empathetic children can only lose in such a self-interested environment – but the opposite is actually true: recent studies reveal that empathetic children are healthier and happier than their more selfish peers. So how do you foster empathy in your kids? Let’s find out. We’ll learn why jigsaw learning turns strangers into friends; what hero stories teach kids about helping others; and how beads and sequins help calm down an upset child.

Big Idea #1: Evidence shows that empathy is decreasing among young people, while narcissism is on the rise.

Did you know that the word “selfie” was voted as the most popular new word of 2014 by Oxford Dictionaries? Usage of this word increased by 17,000 percent over 2013.

Today’s society is all about the self. It’s not uncommon to see people taking photos of themselves, which is a symptom of this mass egocentrism. This narcissism has even been confirmed by psychologists who have observed that empathy among young adults is declining while their level of narcissism continues to rise.

A team of researchers looked at 72 studies that were conducted over the last three decades and found disturbing results.

A study by the University of Michigan found that students are 40% less empathetic than they were 30 years ago. In addition, rates of narcissistic behavior like selfishness and a need for admiration have increased 58%. Another poll shows that while only 12% of teenagers in the 1950s agreed with “I am very important”, 80% do today. This is also shown by rising rates of bullying among school children as well as their inability to see life from another’s perspective.

Although kids have always been mean to one another, studies show that bullying has increased dramatically in recent years. One study found a 52-percent increase over four years ago, and another showed that kids as young as three are engaging in bullying behavior.

Middle school age children are more focused on themselves than past generations. Their value is being admired because of their appearance and possessions. To fix that problem, we need to give them a greater sense of purpose in life through new skateboards and cell phones. We can do that by offering positive role models, teaching kids about empathy and helping them reduce feelings of envy for others who have the newest electronic gadgets.

Big Idea #2: Adults can help kids develop emotional literacy.

Just as babies don’t know how to change their own diapers when they’re born, children aren’t born understanding body language and facial cues. It takes years of experience before a child is able to read body language fluently.

While it’s true that you can’t change your child’s personality, you can coach him through the process of discovering his strengths.

First, you can use face-to-face contact to teach kids how to read emotional signals. This is crucial because children and teens are especially prone to misreading such gestures.

To help you with that, pay attention to your body language. If you’re tired, for example, rub your eyes and let them know.

You can also watch people and ask your child to tell you what emotion they’re feeling. For example, during a trip to the mall, you might point out someone who looks angry or tired.

First, you can use books and films to teach kids about emotions. To do so, watch a few minutes of a TV soap opera with the sound muted and guess how the actors feel. This is a useful way to teach children about body language.