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1-Page Summary of The Will to Change

Overview

Over the last century, feminism has become an important topic in political debates. From equal rights and pay to a broader view of social systems, feminism has grown to take on patriarchy: a system where men have power over women.

Patriarchy affects both men and women. It oppresses women by keeping them from achieving their full potential, but it also keeps men from experiencing love like they should. In this essay, you will learn why the saying “boys don’t cry” is symbolic of patriarchy’s problems; how sex is seen as a necessity for men while emotions are not; and what must change in families to make that happen.

Big Idea #1: Patriarchy prevents men from loving and getting in touch with their feelings.

Most people know that boys don’t play with dolls, but do you ever wonder why this is such a deeply ingrained social norm? It’s because of how the patriarchy affects our thinking.

Patriarchy is everywhere in society. It’s a power structure that tells men they should be the leaders of their households and feel superior to everyone else.

Parents teach gender-specific roles to their children. Boys learn that they should be providers, and girls learn to provide nurturing and care for others.

Because of the early socialization process, people are taught that patriarchal logic is normal and acceptable. This happens in schools, churches, etc. Therefore, no matter what setting you’re in, everyone believes it’s okay to be a patriarch.

The author’s father didn’t allow her to play marbles with other kids because she was better at it than everyone else. He also beat her for being aggressive when playing, and sent her to her room.

The patriarchy affects everything. It’s a system that traps men and prevents them from experiencing emotions, because they’re supposed to be tough and unemotional. That idea comes from the common saying “boys don’t cry.” Many people haven’t seen a man cry, which is due to the fact that boys are told not to express their feelings in order to fit into this patriarchal society.

As long as men are disconnected from their feelings, they’ll be deprived of love.

Next, you’ll learn more about the effects of denial.

Big Idea #2: Boys are taught to suppress their feelings, and this leads to anger and violence.

Men are taught to avoid expressing their feelings from an early age. Boys are told that they have to be strong and never weak, so they’re not encouraged to express themselves emotionally.

For generations, parents have been raising their boys to be tough. They were even afraid to comfort them because they thought it would make the boy weak. However, recently people have realized that this type of thinking is ludicrous and has challenged that concept. In addition, the media also inundates boys with images of what it means to be male and how they should act.

When boys are not allowed to express their feelings, they act out instead.

Boys are taught that they should only express anger. So, when boys don’t get what they want, they lash out in fury.

The media also plays a role in teaching boys to act out. They learn this behavior by watching TV and movies, which can lead to social problems.

While not all men are violent, they’re raised to be that way. Society teaches boys that rage and violence are manly, so they feel isolated from their emotions and grow up without any tools to deal with this isolation. They then lash out in anger because of the lack of connection with their fathers, who often use shame as a tool for dominance.

Big Idea #3: Patriarchy teaches men to crave violence and sex, but not love.