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1-Page Summary of The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem
Overview
Self-esteem is an important concept that has been debated by many people. There are a lot of definitions and guides on self-esteem, but what do we really know about it? The author draws on his lifetime of clinical practice and research to offer a comprehensive definition.
The following six practices will help you raise your self-esteem. They include increased awareness, acceptance, responsibility, assertiveness, purposefulness and integrity. You’ll also learn the similarities between calcium and self-esteem; that upsetting children lowers their self-esteem; and how difficult it is to be assertive in the face of opposition.
Big Idea #1: Self-esteem is the immune system of consciousness, essential for performing at your best.
Many self-help gurus claim that they can teach people how to be confident and have high self-esteem. However, most of them don’t define what it means to have a healthy level of confidence or self-esteem. The author defines these terms as the immune system of consciousness; it provides strength and resistance in difficult times. Just like our immune system, we need this for everyday life.
Calcium is another example of something that’s essential to our health. Calcium strengthens our bones and teeth, so it’s important for a healthy body. Self-esteem works the same way; it helps us lead better lives because we feel good about ourselves and are confident in who we are. If we didn’t have self-esteem, we wouldn’t be able to live as well as possible or do what makes us happy.
Calcium is like self-esteem because both things help us stay strong and healthy. Without calcium, your bones would weaken and you’d get sick more often, but without self-esteem you wouldn’t be able to find happiness or succeed at anything you want to do with your life.
Our self-esteem is what drives us to do certain things in life. It’s also the reason we become successful or not. When our self-esteem is low, it lowers our expectations of ourselves and causes us to behave in ways that make those lowered expectations come true. However, when we have high self-esteem, it raises our expectations of ourselves and causes us to behave in ways that make those higher expectations come true as well.
An architect was about to land the biggest commission of his career, but he was nervous and felt that he didn’t deserve it. He turned to drinking in order to steady his nerves, behaved rudely and lost the job. Although this is a very sad story, it’s also a warning for people who have low self-esteem and set their expectations too low.
Big Idea #2: Self-esteem is about fighting for your right to happiness and facing challenges with confidence.
Because self-esteem is so important for our consciousness, it’s worth understanding the basics of how it works.
Self-esteem is a very simple concept. It’s about being happy and feeling good about yourself. When you have high self-esteem, you assert your right to be happy and take steps to achieve it. Low self-esteem means that you give up your right to happiness or don’t believe in it at all. For example, the author worked with a woman who always fell for married men because she didn’t feel like she was worthy of anyone else’s love due to her father leaving when she was young and her mother blaming her for it.
The author’s father leaving and her mother being negative about it shaped how she viewed herself. She later fell in love with married men who left her, which reinforced the idea that she was unworthy of love. This is a common occurrence: we make choices that help our negative beliefs become reality, often hurting ourselves in the process.