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1-Page Summary of The In-Between

Overview

When Jeff became a father, he realized that each moment is precious. He realized that you never know when your child will grow up and become an adult. If you miss even the shortest moment, then you’re missing out on a lot of memories with your child.

One night, Jeff discovered that his infant son was not going to sleep. He tried everything he could think of but nothing worked. He had no choice but to stay up with him until he fell asleep again.

After much effort, Jeff finally gave up trying to fall asleep. Instead of staying in bed, he decided to do something else and took his son downstairs to play. They spent the rest of the night playing together. He was overjoyed by this experience because it could have easily been missed if he had stuck with his initial plans for going back to sleep.

The author’s son woke him up at night, and the author found that he was able to be present with his son in that moment. He learned from this experience to always try and be in the moment instead of trying to force things to go a certain way.

Big Idea #1: Instead of trying to control what happens to you, focus on the people you are with.

Jeff experienced another important life experience when he was in a rock band with some of his friends. They toured for almost a year and had high expectations, but the reality was often not what they expected. Their van rides were long, sometimes taking 12 hours to travel only 100 miles or so, and their shows were sometimes disappointing—they would play for as few as 20 people.

Late one night, a band was driving through Montana when they realized that all the restaurants were closed. They stayed at a pastor’s house and he made them dinner out of food donated to his church because they were in need. The band protested but the pastor insisted on making them dinner anyway since they were in need.

Jeff realized that he was focusing too much on what he wanted the tour to be like, and not enough on how it was making his bandmates feel.

The year wasn’t about touring in a band, but rather the people he was with. It’s true of most experiences too—we don’t remember them for what we did, but who we were with and how they changed us.

Big Idea #2: What you are becoming is more important than what you’re doing.

Jeff’s life changed when he went to Spain. He was a college student, and he spent his time going out every night with friends.

Jeff stayed with his host mother, Loli, who took him and another exchange student into her home. Jeff went out every night to experience the local culture while Daniel preferred staying in and watching TV. Jeff thought this was boring compared to his own expectations of adventure: he felt that Daniel was missing out on great stories.

One night, Jeff decided to take a break from his hectic schedule and stay in with Loli and Daniel. They were watching Spanish TV when they suddenly started laughing at something one of the characters said. Jeff and Daniel thought it was funny too, so they laughed as well. The laughter became contagious, and all three of them were laughing for hours until their sides hurt from laughing so hard.

Jeff realized that he had been too focused on himself and what he wanted to do in Seville. However, when Loli and Daniel were around him more, Jeff was able to slow down his pace of life. He enjoyed spending time with them because they became a community for him.

Big Idea #3: Learn to pay attention so you can embrace and savor every moment as well as appreciate the people in your life.

After his study abroad experience, Jeff was travelling home to see his parents. However, he was not looking forward to the trip because it would be a long ride on a train and would be boring since all of the scenery is just empty cornfields.