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1-Page Summary of The Gift of Failure
Overview
“When we do something for the first time, it’s almost always a failure. It doesn’t mean that there was anything wrong with our effort or that we’re bad at it; rather, it means that we just didn’t know what to expect and need to learn from the experience so we can improve.”
“We’ve started denying children this important right because of their fear of failing. But they need to fail in order to succeed,” says the author.
We all want our kids to succeed in life. However, we often raise them in a way that prevents them from developing the skills they need later on. We should instead allow them to learn by themselves so that they can develop those necessary skills when they’re older and ready for it.
Monkeys can show us how to demotivate people. When you tell a child they’re good, that’s bad for them. Cleaning the house is important for kids.
In these key points, you’ll discover what monkeys can show us about demotivation; why saying a child is good can be bad; and how cleaning the house will help your kids.
Big Idea #1: Our view on children and their education has changed throughout history.
Today, the majority of parents take care of their children until they’re out on their own. However, that wasn’t always the case.
In the past, children were expected to work in order to help their families. That’s because many of them died from poor health and poverty. They had to start working at a young age so that they could contribute financially.
Around this time, philosopher John Locke advised parents to let their children make mistakes and face the consequences. Failing to do this would only weaken their minds and prevent them from getting back up and trying again when they fail. Over the next few hundred years, life for children was hard in America. They were treated like cheap labor at a young age.
Later, parents had more time to focus on their children due to changes in working conditions and family structures. These factors led to regulations that prohibited the employment of young children.
From then on, children went from being useful to their families to useless. Couples had fewer children later in life and divorce rates were growing. Children’s education became more centered on caring for children as developing adults. There was a rise of educational books about raising self-esteem, like Nathaniel Branden’s 1969 bestseller The Psychology of Self-Esteem. According to psychologist Jean Twenge, the self-esteem movement reinforced self-esteem in American society but turned people into narcissists at the same time
Big Idea #2: Children’s enthusiasm must come from their own motivation instead of rewards.
Although grades were invented to measure progress and future success, they have a considerable downside: they fail to instill intrinsic motivation in children.
Children are taught from the beginning of their education that they must get good grades. If they don’t, then they won’t live the life that they want or be respected by society. This forces all students to go down one path and strive for consistent A’s. Students aren’t allowed to fail because it isn’t an option if you want a successful future.
