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1-Page Summary of The Four Tendencies

Overview

If the kitchen or bathroom at your workplace is a mess, don’t make a sign that bosses people around. Instead, give them information about why it’s important to keep the area clean and let them choose how they want to be professional.

How do you respond to expectations? It seems like a straightforward question, but if we explore it in greater depth, we can gain tremendous insight into ourselves and others.

In this article, you will learn that people respond to expectations in four ways: Upholders, Questioners, Obligers and Rebels. You’ll also discover what it means to fit into one of these categories and how understanding your own tendency can help improve your productivity as well as relationships with others.

These points are not about putting people into categories; rather, they are about helping us achieve our potential.

The reader will also learn why you shouldn’t let a Questioner choose your washing machine, and what can be the only way to make an Obliger exercise.

Big Idea #1: The Four Tendencies help you understand how to manage yourself and others.

The author Gretchen Rubin was talking to a friend about exercise. The friend reflected on how she had no trouble finding the time to run when she was in high school, but now it’s much harder.

People often say that they don’t have time to get something done, but if we really want to understand why some tasks are so difficult, we need to look at how people respond in different ways. Specifically, there are four tendencies: Upholder, Questioner, Obliger and Rebel. Each tendency has a different response when confronted with expectations from society and themselves.

There are four different types of people. Upholders meet both inner and outer expectations, while questioners only meet their own expectations.

There are four types of people: obligers, who do well with outside expectations but struggle to meet their own; questioners, who have trouble meeting both outer and inner expectations; obligers, who deal well with outside expectations but struggle with their own; and rebels, whose behavior pushes against both inner and outer expectations. In the case of Rubin’s friend, she struggles to run on her own because she is an obliger.

As we will see in the following points, these categories are not bad or meant to make you feel boxed in. They’re tools for gaining insight into your nature and that of others so that you can be a more confident and productive individual.

Big Idea #2: People who are good at upholding their commitments and responsibilities have a few challenges.

It’s important to know that the author, Gretchen Rubin, is a Upholder. She might be biased toward this category because she fits it perfectly. At first glance, you can tell that an Upholder is someone who gets things done efficiently and makes time for themselves as well. An Upholders responds well to both other people’s expectations and their own personal ones so they’re very reliable at work and get all of their tasks done without any trouble. They like schedules, lists and knowing what’s expected from them so they always make sure they take care of everything on their plate as well as themselves.

Upholders are people who find it easy to follow rules and regulations. They also enjoy meeting expectations, which means that they feel more free when they have a disciplined life. In fact, the motto of Upholders is “Discipline brings freedom.”

Being an Upholder has its advantages and disadvantages.

Some people can be so obedient that they don’t question what the rules are and follow them without thinking. These people often become snitches because of their need to obey authority. They also tend to resist change, which is why they’re not as successful in life as others who are more critical thinkers. On the other hand, Upholders can experience a tightening effect on habits over time, where after casually trying something new like eating healthier foods or exercising every day for 30 minutes, it becomes harder and harder for them to give up those healthy habits.