#1 Book Summary: The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

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1-Page Summary of The 5 Love Languages

Overview

There are many different languages in the world. Most people don’t speak any of them, and they can cause problems when communicating with someone who doesn’t speak their language. Fortunately, most couples have a common language that they both understand.

Actually, we don’t really know how to love. There are different ways of expressing it and understanding our partner’s way of showing it is important for any relationship to succeed. We’ll learn about the need for love, how people express their love and the different ways they feel loved.

In this article, you’ll discover how the author’s and his wife’s marriage was lost in translation. You’ll also learn why being in love only lasts for two years, as well as how a bad Christmas gift can influence communications with your partner.

Big Idea #1: Love is a human need that’s defined by your emotional well-being.

If you think about the word love, it’s a very confusing term. It’s been used to describe many things that have nothing to do with romantic relationships. However, philosophers and religious thinkers agree that love is important for your emotional health and overall well-being. So how should you think about love? You should understand what type of love is key to your emotional health–the kind of love that helps you be healthy emotionally.

And the easiest way to define what love means is to take a look at where you derive your emotional fulfillment. That’s because all humans need to be loved and appreciated, according to child psychologists. If they aren’t, it can result in instability.

The most important ones are love and affection.

Love is clearly important, and you need a way to measure it. One way to gauge whether your emotional needs are being met is by paying attention to how full your love tank is. If you’re not getting enough love, you’ll end up with an empty tank. Keeping the love tank full is an essential component of a healthy marriage. All solid marriages require fuel.

For example, one of the author’s clients believes that money and material possessions can’t compensate for an empty love tank. He thinks that a fancy house, expensive cars and a beach house don’t mean anything if your wife doesn’t love you.

Big Idea #2: Relationships change as the joy of falling in love fades; communication is the only solution.

Marriage is a topic that has been studied and discussed for decades. With so much information available, you might wonder why couples still struggle to stay married after the initial honeymoon phase.

However, I believe it’s safe to say that no matter how many experts or books claim they have the secret to successful marriage, there’s always something new we can learn about love.

The first phase of attraction is the instinctual part of love. It’s marked by an obsession that makes us want to reproduce and perpetuate our species. This initial phase clouds our judgment.

And it’s been studied. For instance, psychologist Dorothy Tennov conducted an in-depth analysis of the in love phenomenon and found that most relationships centered around romance last for about two years on average.

Once you’re in a relationship, the honeymoon period is over. You have to deal with each other’s differences and fulfill your emotional needs. However, how do you do that?

The first step in cultivating a lasting relationship is effective communication. People have emotional needs that the short-lived “in love” experience can’t satisfy, so couples must work on communicating effectively to sustain their relationships over time.