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1-Page Summary of Raising a Secure Child
Overview
Being a new parent is both rewarding and challenging. With the pressure to be perfect, parents can feel like failures if they don’t live up to their child’s every need.
Of course, you’re not a childcare expert just because you have kids. Fortunately, there are experts who can help with the more difficult moments in child-rearing.
The authors specialize in attachment theory. They’ve also created a helpful chart that shows what children need from their caregivers and how to provide it.
So, let’s get started and learn some of the basics of parenting.
In this article, you’ll discover how a lack of secure attachment can lead to illness and being overweight. You’ll also learn about the first day at preschool and turning mistakes into positive experiences.
Big Idea #1: A secure attachment to a primary caregiver is vital for a healthy childhood and adulthood.
Once a child is born, they are programmed to latch onto at least one individual they can rely on. This helps them develop into physically and emotionally healthy adults.
Attachment theory was developed by psychologists in the twentieth century, who noticed that babies have a need for comfort.
After World War II, British psychologist John Bowlby observed that orphaned children were unhappy. He noticed that the problem stemmed from a lack of attachment to caregivers. Those children lacked an emotional source of reassurance, encouragement and comfort.
Psychologist Harry Harlow expanded on Bowlby’s findings by studying baby monkeys. When infant primates were given the option of a figure covered in soft cloth similar to an adult monkey or a non-cuddly wire figure that provided food, they consistently preferred comfort over sustenance.
Psychologists have also come to recognize the importance of a child’s secure attachment. When this isn’t present, stress is created, which leads to an increase in cortisol production and causes other physical problems such as abdominal fat gain and lowered defenses against viruses.
In addition to health risks, a secure attachment can also affect future relationships.
Studies have shown that kids who are securely attached to their parents grow up to be more empathetic and form better relationships. They’re also healthier, because they tend to live longer than people who don’t have a lot of friends or social connections.
Big Idea #2: Children have a regular cycle of needs as well as different levels of security.
Children have trouble communicating, so parents may wonder what their child needs.
According to the authors, parents and caregivers can help their children develop secure attachments by using a Circle of Security. The Circle of Security is like a clock with nine o’clock representing the secure base where your child leaves your hands in order to explore on her own. It’s important for you as a caregiver to watch over them and show that you’re willing to help when they need it, which will allow them to continue feeling safe while they explore.
The secure base is what children need to feel safe. The process of the child leaving the secure base and returning back occurs multiple times a day, even hourly.
After a child explores and comes back to you, they need your protection. They also need comfort and appreciation from you.
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Imagine taking your three-year-old to a playground. She may start by playing in the sandbox, which is an example of exploring, but after a few minutes she might look toward you for reassurance or guidance.
Take your son to his first day of preschool. This is a time when he will have to explore on his own, but it can be scary for him. As the parent, you may need to wait in the classroom until he feels safe enough to start playing with other kids. When you see that he’s comfortable and ready, then you should leave without causing him any panic or anxiety about being left alone.
