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1-Page Summary of Me, Myself and Us

Overview

Everyone wonders why people act and react the way they do. There are many questions that we all ask ourselves, such as why we can’t overcome our shyness or what causes us to embarrass ourselves. We might even wonder if personality tests in magazines are accurate.

In this key point, we take a closer look at the research on personality and explore what causes our behavior. We will discover why some people can’t get over their breakups, why some people are better at playing jazz music if they have low conscientiousness, and how three factors influence your personality.

Big Idea #1: Our first impressions are based on personal constructs, which also determine our behavior.

People have a tendency to judge other people based on their appearance. It’s not always easy to overcome this habit, but it can be done by understanding how we make these first impressions and then consciously working against them.

There are many ways to make a first impression. For example, you might overhear someone in a restaurant being rude to the waiter. You could assume that he’s just an impolite person and move on, or you could think about why he was having such a bad day at work that made him act so aggressively toward the waiter.

Most people believe that the person is rude because he was born that way. However, this explanation seems too simple and doesn’t explain why some people are like this. It might be better to come up with a story that explains his behavior rather than label him as “rude.”

The term “personal constructs” was first coined by the psychologist George Kelly as a way to describe how each person views the world. Personal constructs are different for everyone; they might prompt you to think of the restaurant customer as obnoxious, or think of him as authoritative and masculine.

The way we see the world determines how we behave and deal with problems. If our view of the world is narrow, then it will be difficult for us to face challenges.

If you have a friend who can’t move on after a bad breakup, that person will be pessimistic about all future relationships. Therefore, he won’t commit to anyone in the future.

Big Idea #2: Our personalities are defined by five major traits, including conscientiousness and agreeableness.

Have you ever taken a personality test? Most psychologists consider the Ten-Item Personality Inventory (TIPI) to be the most reliable.

The TIPI (The Institute of Personality and Intelligence) believes that everyone’s personality is based on the Big Five traits. The first trait is conscientiousness, which is a person’s ability to stay organized, dedicated and persevere with goals. People who are high in conscientiousness often have academic or professional success because they know how to work hard, meet deadlines and avoid spending too much time on Facebook.

It’s only possible to stay highly organized in predictable environments. People with high conscientiousness often struggle with things that are less structured, such as jazz music.

The best jazz musicians are creative and can improvise well. Psychologists have found that people enjoy jazz more when it’s played by people who don’t like rules, which indicates a low level of conscientiousness. Musicians who prefer structure might be better suited to marching bands than playing in an improvised jazz band. The next quality is agreeableness, or how friendly, pleasant and supportive someone is. Research has shown that agreeableness isn’t the most important factor for professional success; however, it’s not very helpful if you’re unfriendly either because then you won’t get along with others at work. Therefore, the ideal level of agreeableness would likely be somewhere in between these two extremes (unfriendly and overly agreeable).