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1-Page Summary of Loving What Is
Overview
Many people are stressed. They’re unhappy with their lives and feel that they can’t do anything about it. This is unfortunate because there’s a way to live a happy life without stress and problems, but most people don’t know how.
However, there are alternatives to stress and anxiety. All you need to do is find the right approach for your situation.
This passage introduces a method for dealing with life’s stresses. This method is called “The Work.” The steps are simple, and they can help you live a happier, more fulfilling life.
In this passage, you’ll find out why your thoughts can be harmful to you and how there’s no point in getting angry with the weather.
Big Idea #1: Overcome stress by understanding and mastering your own thoughts.
You’ve been in a relationship for years and have been happy. You’re now starting to think that your partner doesn’t love you anymore, which makes you feel stressed and sad.
Wrong. Stress isn’t caused by the events in your life, but rather how you interpret those events or what others do to you.
Your partner’s lack of affection is not the problem. Your interpretation of that behavior is the real issue. You believe your partner doesn’t love you anymore, and it hurts you deeply.
How do you overcome this situation? You need to change your thoughts. This is where “The Work” comes in.
First, write down the troubling thoughts. For example, “My relationship is falling apart because my partner doesn’t love me anymore.”
Next, analyze your thoughts by asking yourself four questions. Is this thought true? Reexamine your partner’s actions to see if you’re being rash or impulsive. Can I be absolutely sure of its truth? Consider the other possibilities for why he/she is acting that way. How does this thought make you feel? It might be because deep down inside, you are paranoid and insecure about his/her love for you.
If you don’t ask yourself these questions, how would you know what’s going on in your life? It will help you gain a better understanding of why you’re feeling this way and move past it.
Big Idea #2: You can learn a lot about yourself and your feelings by turning stressful thoughts around.
After you’ve answered The Work’s four questions, you should have a better understanding of what makes your life difficult. Now is the time to turn these feelings around and discover new truths about yourself and your situation.
If you think that your partner doesn’t love you and that your relationship is in trouble, change those thoughts. You’ll find out that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
Try approaching your problem from a different angle. Maybe you’ve been walking down the wrong path and have misinterpreted your partner’s actions. Next, approach this new thought with the same four questions from The Work to gain insight into your situation.
Don’t stop there! Think of all possibilities and flip them around. For example, it’s possible that you’re actually the one who doesn’t love your partner anymore, so this is making you feel distant from each other. Or maybe you can’t really love yourself right now because of another problem in your life. You might be projecting these feelings onto your partner.
You’ll have different reactions to these possibilities, and you should carefully consider them.
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You can follow any thought or feeling, but there’s no strict rule. Feelings that feel right are the best to follow.
The book “The Work” only gives you options and does not offer an easy solution.
