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Overview

You’re at work when you see a coworker being ignored by another. The person who’s ignoring the other is known for his high-maintenance personality, so he might just be acting out. What should you do?

Most people would probably excuse that behavior or ignore it. They’d assume that he has a bad day, and maybe something is wrong at home. Typically, we don’t frown upon such actions; rather, they’re explained and even permitted.

Aggression is wrong. It should not be tolerated, and must be stopped. This article explains why aggression shouldn’t be allowed and provides the tools to stop it. This article will show you that Sigmund Freud was wrong about aggression, how to recognize even subtle forms of aggressive behavior, and why someone who won’t answer yes or no probably has something to hide.

Big Idea #1: Everyone fights, but manipulators fight aggressively, without concern for their opponents.

We’ve all seen it before. Someone says something that’s hurtful without making themselves look bad. Why would someone say something like that?

Some people are bullies, who like to fight and put others down in order to make themselves look better.

It’s not to say that manipulators are the only people who engage in bad behavior. In fact, we all fight from time to time.

It’s important to fight for what you want, but it should be done in a respectful way. For example, football players have to compete against each other on the field, but they do so while following the rules. Another example is politics; politicians argue with one another and present their ideas to voters who choose the best candidates based on those ideas.

Manipulators are different from the rest of us because they’re aggressive and push their own agenda forward without regard for other people’s feelings, rights or interests.

The reason why is simple: manipulators have an impaired conscience. Unlike the rest of us, they’re completely unable to see beyond their own self-interest.

While most of us will be respectful to others’ feelings, manipulators view this as an act of submission and see social norms as threats to their self-interest.

For example, parents who want their kids to excel at school or sports without caring about the child’s needs are more concerned with status than they are with how they affect their kid. If you’re a parent and you care about your child, then you shouldn’t be pressuring them to do well in school or sports–you should let the teachers handle that stuff.

Big Idea #2: In general, aggressive manipulators prefer cloak-and-dagger tactics.

How often do you get punched in the face on an average day? Unless you’re a professional fighter, probably not. This means that there are no manipulators around you who openly show their aggression. However, most manipulators are not aggressive and so they can easily manipulate others without even getting noticed.

There are two types of manipulators: overt and covert. Overt manipulators are openly hostile, while covert ones conceal their hostility to appear more friendly or innocent.

It’s important to note that this is different from passive-aggression. Passive-aggressives fight by being passive, such as forgetting to do something you asked for because they’re angry with you. Covert aggressives use underhanded methods in a calculated way to get what they want.