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1-Page Summary of Gift Of Fear
Overview
Gavin de Becker’s book The Gift of Fear is about understanding the predictors of violent behavior. After a violent act, people often remark that they never thought the perpetrator would commit such an act. However, there are always signs before violence occurs. It’s important to trust your intuition and be aware of these signals so you can protect yourself from potential threats in every context and situation.
Genuine fear is markedly different from worry or anxiety. Anxiety can feel like intuition, but it usually isn’t a real threat to your safety. True fear, on the other hand, is all-consuming and indicates that you’re in danger. For example, a woman was raped in her apartment and suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of terror after her attacker left her bedroom. She thought he was going to kill her because she picked up subtle signals including the fact that he shut the window so neighbors wouldn’t hear him murdering her (but this wasn’t what happened). This feeling prompted her to sneak out of the apartment as he rummaged through drawers for a knife (which didn’t happen either). Knowing the difference between genuine fear and anxiety will increase personal safety and security overall.
The Gift of Fear was published in 1997 by Little Brown and is a New York Times bestseller.
Key Takeaways
Fear is different from worry. Knowing the difference between them can increase your sense of security and personal safety. Many people ignore their gut instincts because they’re trained to disregard clear warning signs that something is wrong.
Intuition is something that’s always working in the background. When you’re assessing a situation, look for “satellites,” which are details that provide valuable information about what’s going on. It’s important to understand dangerous situations from the perspective of someone who might be violent. Everyone can become violent if they’ve suffered abuse or neglect as children. To recognize when a person is becoming dangerous, watch out for specific behaviors such as people who don’t respect other people saying no and strangers offering grand gestures but actually trying to create some sort of indebtedness with others.
The most important thing to remember about predicting crimes is that you need to record all of the pre-incident indicators (PINs) such as a person buying a gun or making threatening statements.
When it comes to the Internet, you should be cautious with whom you communicate. If someone is being inappropriate, don’t get involved in a long-term relationship. Let them know that they’re not what you’re looking for and then stop all communication immediately.
Key Takeaway 1: Real fear is different from needless worry. Knowing the difference between the two can increase personal safety and a sense of overall security.
Anxious thoughts do not always represent a real threat. For example, a man’s worries about his physical safety in his apartment may be triggered by a past event. On the other hand, fear is loud and clear and compels people to take immediate action to protect themselves from danger.
When you pay attention to real fear, it can lead to life-saving actions. Worrying, on the other hand, creates stress and insecurity. It does not strengthen your personal security.
Key Takeaway 2: Many people don’t pay attention to their gut instincts because they are conditioned to ignore clear signals that something is wrong.
One of the biggest obstacles to listening to intuition is fear. People are afraid that if they listen to their intuition, others will think they’re irrational or paranoid. However, warning signals often manifest in a person’s consciousness as irrational or paranoid hunches or suspicion. Even humor that has a loud ring of truth to it can flag a warning.