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The Negotiation Before the Negotiation
To become a better negotiator, you need to understand your strategy and tactics. To do that, work through six important steps:
Step One: “Put Yourself in Your Shoes”
Before you negotiate with anyone else, decide what’s important to you and make sure that aligns with the other party. Polish business magnate Jan Kulczyk learned this lesson from a French associate who wanted him to sell his shares in a grocery chain they had founded together. The two men were feuding for years over its ownership, but Kulcyzk was angry all the time and leaning hard on his demands.
In order to resolve the conflict, Diniz stopped and thought about what he really wanted. He listed business-related items, but they didn’t mean much to him. The only thing that mattered was freedom from his obligations so he could spend more time with family. Once he accepted this, everything changed for him and his associate; they resolved their differences in four days. To get started on resolving your conflicts:
If you find yourself reacting emotionally, step back and take a moment to see the bigger picture. If you are having an argument with someone, imagine that you’re standing on a balcony looking at yourself and your opponent from afar. Take note of any physical changes in your body (such as feeling flushed or tense). Name what you feel (“Oh, that’s my old friend Fear; there goes the Inner Critic.”) Do this every day for five minutes so that it becomes second nature.
“Listen with empathy.” – “Accept yourself just as you are.” If the inner voice in your head sends you critical messages, try to understand why. Be kind to yourself and move on from negative thoughts. Accept fear, jealousy, and other emotions as part of who you are. Learn more about what makes you happy by keeping a journal of your thoughts. The more aware you become of your needs and wants, the easier it will be for others to hear them too.
People know what they want, but sometimes forget to consider why. Sometimes you may want a certain salary increase and say that it’ll make you happy. However, if you’re not able to be happy without it, does that mean that money is the only thing making you happy? If so, do your interests really match up with having more money?
Step Two: “Develop Your Inner BATNA”
You might be tempted to blame others when things aren’t going well, but it doesn’t solve the problem. In 1983, Johnson & Johnson chose not to play the “blame game” after seven people died from ingesting Tylenol capsules — one of its products — that an unstable criminal had tainted with cyanide. The company was not at fault and assumed full responsibility by recalling all Tylenol in the U.S., which cost more than $100 million. This action restored confidence in Tylenol and saved its reputation among medical professionals and consumers alike.
In order to execute this step, you need to take ownership of your life. You also need to be more responsible in your relationships and stop blaming others for the mistakes you make. For example, Sam was always getting into car accidents and he never took responsibility for his actions. He blamed the conditions on the road or a poorly lit sign instead of taking personal accountability for his own choices and behaviors. Then one day he realized that deep down inside he was angry about something else so it caused him to drive irresponsibly. Once he recognized that, Sam understood that “he – and no one else – is responsible for what happens in his life”
You can’t always control what happens to you, but you can decide how to react. This awareness gives you power and frees you to live your life as you choose. Don’t look for others to give you what they think is best; that only gives them the power and makes it easier for people in your life to take advantage of you. In other words, develop a BATNA (Best Alternative To a Negotiated Agreement) so that if someone tries something with which they disagree, they’ll know there’s another option available.
