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1-Page Summary of Get Out of Your Own Way

Overview

Self-help is for people who are having a midlife crisis or who have lost touch with their true selves. It’s definitely not for someone like the author, whose life seems to be going well.

Even after achieving his life goals, Dave Hollis still felt unhappy and unfulfilled. He would come home from a long day at work to drink too much and not be able to engage with his kids or give his wife the support she needed. He told himself that this was normal and to get over it, but he couldn’t shake how flat he felt. Everyone on the outside thought his life was perfect, so why did he feel like it wasn’t?

When you’re stuck in a rut, it’s usually because you’re listening to the wrong voices. Those are the voices that tell us we can only be loved if we have flashy jobs and look like we have our lives under control. However, those voices are unhelpful and need to be silenced. The way to do this is by challenging each of them with personal growth.

In this article, you’ll learn how Eminem’s vulnerability can help you be more open in your relationships; how a well-meaning eavesdropper changed the lives of those she was listening to; and why we need to learn another language if we want our relationships to succeed.

Big Idea #1: Equating our personal value with our profession undermines our self-worth.

Imagine you’re at a party and you meet someone new. You tell them what your job is, and they ask you how much money do you make. You say that your salary was in the millions of dollars (but not as much as CEOs).

Naturally, your new acquaintance is impressed. Their face lights up and they’re positively beaming with joy. You feel a sense of pride and accomplishment because you’ve made a connection with someone that special. Your job doesn’t make you feel the same way, but it’s still important to know why you shouldn’t let your profession define who you are as a person.

Once upon a time, Dave Hollis was that sales executive at Disney. He had an endless supply of blockbuster movies and a great team working with him every day. But he was unhappy because he felt underchallenged and unfulfilled.

Dave was happy with his work, but he didn’t want to continue it. People respected him for his job title and so they saw him as valuable. He used to pride himself on evolving in his career, but now he wanted to be free from what others thought of him. Dave knew that change was necessary in order for people not to see him as someone who’s only good at one thing.

Dave took a leap of faith and left his job with Disney to work for The Hollis Company. He had to learn everything all over again, but it was worth it because he learned something about himself: that he could be successful without the trappings of success.

Dave can be successful as an individual by being respectful and caring about the world around him without having a fancy job title on his business card.

Big Idea #2: Being honest about your weaknesses can give you a competitive edge.

A workplace can be a bit like the savanna, where zebras are eaten by lions if they’re injured. Similarly, in business deals, you don’t want to reveal your weaknesses to the other party because they’ll try to exploit them.

Dave worked for Disney and would cast himself as the lion. He was combative in his negotiations, hiding any insecurity so that others couldn’t use them against him. This resulted in a lot of great deals but also made Dave seem unreasonable and callous to others.

The key message from this passage is that honesty can give you an advantage in business negotiations. Surprisingly, the author didn’t learn about this strategy by taking a course on interpersonal skills. He learned it from watching a movie where one of the characters was honest about his weaknesses and used them to his advantage during a rap battle.