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1-Page Summary of Fierce Conversations
Overview
Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time is about the importance of open communication. The author believes that people are often not very good communicators, which leads to problems. She argues that by engaging in thoughtful discussions with others, we can fix problems as they arise instead of letting them reach a crisis point. Moreover, deep conversations build healthy relationships and organizational cultures which lead to success.
Conversations are the core of relationships. They can either make or break a relationship, as they’re what hold it together. It’s easy to avoid difficult conversations in order to keep a relationship going; however, that doesn’t solve the problem and just makes things worse. For example, if you don’t talk about your problems with your partner, it could lead to divorce or bankruptcy.
In conversations, it’s important to learn more about the other person and yourself. It’s also good to resolve any issues that come up during the conversation. Finally, relationships should be strengthened by talking with one another. People tend to think that being honest will hurt their relationship when in fact it strengthens them because people appreciate honesty.
Fierce conversations are best when they’re authentic and honest. You have to listen, but you also need to share your own perspective. Sometimes the most difficult questions arise during a conversation, and you should answer them honestly. People often avoid certain subjects because they feel like it’s rude or impolite. However, some conversations require being uncomfortable in order to come up with a solution that works for everyone involved.
There are certain factors that should be taken into account when attempting to have a productive conversation. People should give their full attention and close any devices they’re using, such as laptops or cell phones. Even in the most hectic of schedules, people shouldn’t feel like they need to answer an incoming phone call during a meeting. There’s nothing wrong with silence; it can help you think about what you want to say instead of just talking for the sake of talking.
Fierce conversations can be difficult, but they can also help bring about positive change. Success doesn’t happen overnight; it happens gradually, one conversation at a time.
Key Point 1: The truth is relative, and an organization represents the aggregate truth of its members.
In any company, people have different perspectives on the same issue. There is no universal truth because everyone’s perspective is valid. A human resources staffer won’t have the same point of view as a salesperson. Leaders should collect and understand these different points of view so that they can make informed decisions based on them.
In business, it’s more important to understand the other person’s perspective than to persuade or manipulate them into agreeing with your own. This requires respecting their point of view and building understanding through empathy. The authors give an example of two people meeting at a shopping mall; one is in the food court, and another is on the opposite end of the mall. If one friend starts giving directions from where they are (the food court), that would be absurd because you have to start from where the other person is (on opposite end). So instead, we need to adopt their perspective and think about what they’re thinking about.
Goulston and Ullmen recommend three ways to build mutual understanding. The first way is to recognize the other person’s situation. For example, if you’re talking with an underperforming employee, you might acknowledge the reasons for that performance (such as losing a key team member). Another technique is personal awareness – recognizing some of the individual’s characteristics (for example, praising his or her competitive spirit). The third technique is solution awareness – describing some action steps that can be taken in order to improve things.