Come As You Are Book Summary, by Emily Nagoski

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1-Page Summary of Come As You Are

Overview

Imagine a genie appears and offers you all the money you could ever want. However, your sex life won’t get any better than it already is right now. Would you accept the deal? That’s what we’re going to discuss in this essay.

It may be that you’re not satisfied with your sex life yet. In this case, you’ll greatly benefit from learning to understand your sexuality. That’s where these key points come in and based on scientific research, they will explain how context can enable or impede sexual pleasure. You’ll learn why people differ so much when it comes to sexual desire – and why there’s no reason to obsess about orgasms (or a lack thereof).

In this article, you will find out why male and female genitals aren’t as different as you might think. You’ll also learn how the sight of a lion can spoil your sexual escapades unless you’re one yourself. Finally, ditching women’s magazines will help improve your sex life.

Big Idea #1: Every human has a unique sexual anatomy composed of similar but unique elements.

Have you ever wondered why men have nipples? For women, this anatomical feature serves an obvious function, namely of nourishing babies. But when it comes to men, nipples seem to serve no purpose whatsoever. Then why do men have them? Well, since every human being starts with the same basic body parts (homology), these parts simply arrange themselves differently from person to person. This is known as homology. For instance, as fetuses, boys, girls and those who land somewhere in the middle have identical genital tissue. In fact, for the first six weeks of a pregnancy it’s impossible to see any difference between them.

The genitals are made of the same tissue that is sensitive to stimulation. This fact explains why women have nipples, since all humans begin with the same parts and since men need them too. However, there are also differences between male and female genitals. Every woman has unique genitals that are normal and beautiful in their own way. In pornographic videos, vaginas are digitally remastered so as to make labia less visible; this can lead people to form unrealistic ideas about what a vagina should look like.

So, remember that all sizes and colors of vagina are normal. Just make sure there’s no pain involved. Also, the clitoris can vary in size from a pea to a pickle.

Big Idea #2: Everyone has a unique sexual personality that determines their needs.

After giving birth, Laurie no longer felt interested in sex with her husband. However, she enjoyed pleasuring herself with a vibrator and so began to feel that there was something wrong with her lack of desire for penetrative sex.

Ever been in such a position?

Absolutely not, and here’s why: The human brain has both a sexual gas pedal and brakes. When the gas pedal is pushed by sexual stimulation, it can’t be stopped even when you’re faced with threats. For instance, any sensory perception from a smell to a sound to a thought can tell your brain that sex isn’t such a good idea. Your brain responds by slamming on the brakes, prompting you to say “not tonight” or whatever else might stop your partner from instigating sex at that moment in time.

In fact, having easily triggered brakes is the most common cause of sexual difficulty. For example, in 2008 a study found that those who were slow to become aroused or only became aroused under perfect circumstances were more likely to experience sexual difficulties.

Every person has a different sexual personality, which is why some people have stronger sex drives than others. For example, the author has another patient named Camilla who doesn’t get anxious during sex and trusts her partner completely but still can’t seem to enjoy it as much as she’d like. This means that anxiety isn’t the only reason for low desire, although it’s one of them.

Come As You Are Book Summary, by Emily Nagoski