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1-Page Summary of Captivate

“Win the Social Game”

There are three kinds of locations – thrive, survive and neutral. You can either thrive or survive in a location, depending on your mood and the people with you, but it’s best to avoid neutral places because they’re neither bad nor good. Go to where you’ll be happy and comfortable (thrive) rather than unhappy and uncomfortable (survive), for example at home or with friends.

When you go to a party, mentally divide the room into three zones: the start zone (where people check their coats and register), the social zone (near the bar or host) and side zone (with its traps such as restrooms, food and narrow passages between groups of friends). You should approach people in the social zone near the bar or host. Thank your host for hosting an event, ask him/her for introductions, then strike up a conversation with someone at a buffet table.

Identify people you like being with, friends who make you laugh, give good advice and help bring out the best in you. These are your “wingers.” Then think of powerful co-workers or new friends that could also help you. They’re your “risers.” You can leverage these relationships to further improve yourself and achieve your goals.

First Impressions

You make a decision about a person within seconds of meeting them. The Harvard researchers Nalini Ambady and Robert Rosenthal showed silent 10-second videos of professors to outside participants, who then rated the professors on effectiveness in 15 different categories, including warmth, optimism and professionalism. When the researchers cut the clips down to five seconds or two seconds, people’s opinions didn’t change much.

First impressions are important. It’s not what you say, but how you present yourself that determines whether people will like you or not. People tend to judge others based on their body language and facial expressions, so make sure your posture is good by standing up straight with your shoulders back and head held high. Smile a lot, as it makes people think of you in a positive light. Try asking open-ended questions such as “What was the highlight of your day?” or “What personal passion project are you working on?” These types of questions can help break the ice during conversations because they encourage people to share more about themselves rather than just small talk like “How are things going?”.

Decoding “Microexpressions”

Microexpressions are brief, involuntary facial expressions that people make when they feel an intense emotion. Psychologist Paul Ekman identified seven universal microexpressions: anger, contempt, happiness, fear, surprise, disgust and sadness. To identify a microexpression look for congruency (when someone’s stated emotions match their visible emotions) and connection (the time it takes the expression to appear on a person’s face).

Once you identify a microexpression, respond to it. Imagine if you are presenting a new project and your client likes it—until you mention the price, and see an expression of anger. Pause and explain the rationale behind your pricing so that the client can understand why it costs what it does. When you finish, ask if they have any questions about pricing or anything else that might be on their minds. If you catch a microexpression of contempt, then perhaps they dislike the idea or transaction more than they dislike working with you personally. Don’t ignore contempt; instead determine its source by asking them questions and building rapport with them until their attitude changes for the better. On the other end of this spectrum is happiness: don’t waste opportunities to celebrate success when clients like what’s being presented to them! Savor those moments as well as sharing in their excitement