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Overview

Do you sometimes get scared when you’re angry? For example, have you ever yelled at your children or partner without realizing it? Have you lost control of yourself while driving in heavy traffic because someone else was bad at it? Do you worry that your short temper will hurt your career someday?

If you feel that your negative emotions control you, rather than the other way round, then these points are for you. You’ll learn about how people can avoid things that provoke anger and rage. You’ll also discover how to talk to a sulking child without lashing out or having a temper tantrum yourself.

Big Idea #1: Anger can be a curse or a blessing depending on how you use it.

Everybody knows how much damage anger can do. It’s a powerful emotion, and if you don’t know how to control it, it might hurt you or those around you. For example, when angry people drive like maniacs or hit their loved ones. People who are easily upset and prone to violent outbursts are difficult to relax around because they could pounce at any moment.

Nobody wants to be that person who gets angry at their partner or other people. However, it’s too easy to get angry at work and end up yelling at someone else because they’re not the cause of your anger.

Being passionate is great. However, there are consequences to being too passionate as well. For instance, if you’re angry all the time and have ulcers or high blood pressure because of that anger, it can hurt your health.

Rage can be a destructive force, but if you know how to harness it, it can also fuel many constructive pursuits. For example, if you’re in a toxic relationship and are afraid of what will happen when you leave the situation, your anger might grow so strong that it’s stronger than your fear and all of a sudden you’re walking out the door.

When you’re angry, it’s helpful to take action.

Rage can be used to start social movements. For example, Nelson Mandela harnessed his rage against the South African government’s racist policies and started a movement that eventually brought down apartheid in South Africa.

You can follow Mandela’s example and use your anger to make the world a better place.

Big Idea #2: To control your anger, catch its early signals and strategically calm yourself down.

Anger comes on suddenly, like a rogue wave. It’s preceded by subtle physical cues—breathing faster, blushing, sweating and tensing up your jaw and hands. When you’re overcome by anger, it’s time to pay attention to those cues so you can control your anger.

If you pay attention to your body, you can identify the sensations that precede anger. If you’re aware of these sensations, you’ll have a better chance of calming yourself down before it’s too late. Once you’ve identified those feelings, remind yourself that this feeling will pass in five or ten minutes and take some deep breaths to calm down.

Then, you can switch your attention to something else. For example, you could plan a vacation or do something silly like counting moles on the face of the person in front of you.

Once you’ve calmed down, it’s easy to see that things aren’t as bad as they seem. For example, if you’re stuck in traffic and frustrated with the situation, think about how nice it is to relax and listen to your favorite music. A lot of people get angry when they make mistakes but instead we should look at them as opportunities for growth. The world can be mean sometimes but only you are responsible for how you feel about yourself.

Big Idea #3: Brooding feeds your anger, but you can learn to control it.

Every day, people are rude to each other and their cars break down. When this happens, they can get into the habit of brooding over it. This leads to anger, which is a destructive emotion that can ruin your life if you let it fester too long. For example, say your cat vomited on your rug after eating something he shouldn’t have eaten.