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1-Page Summary of A General Theory of Love
Overview
Love is usually seen as a mysterious and irreducible phenomenon that can’t be explained. Some people think scientists have nothing to contribute to the understanding of love, but Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini and Richard Lannon believe otherwise. They combine their scientific expertise with rich cultural heritage from artists, poets and philosophers in order to address the mystery of love as comprehensively as possible.
The brain evolved over time to help us develop attachments with others. Our childhood experiences shape our adult relationships, and psychotherapy can rewire the brain and enable us to form healthy relationships. Self-harm reduces severe emotional pain in some people, but it’s important that we understand the difference between love and being in love.
Big Idea #1: The evolutionary history of the human brain can be seen in its three subsections.
The demystification of human emotions is not a recent thing. As early as 450 BC, the Western world’s first physician, Hippocrates, proposed that emotions – such as love – are a product of the brain. Even though Hippocrates’ hypothesis turned out to be correct, it took more than 2000 years before scientists began to closely examine the brain and its effect on behavior. Today we know much more about how our brains work thanks to scientific discoveries in neuroscience.
The human brain has evolved over the millennia, helping people adapt to their changing environments and conditions. One of these changes included how our brains developed in order to help us survive in different climates.
For example, our ancestors were forced to adapt to a new environment. They had to survive in the savannah by outsmarting predators and finding food. The climate change affected their brains so that they could do these things better. Gradually, step-by-step, adaptation by adaptation, their brains changed until they became able to think more clearly about how to deal with predators and find food.
What is the evidence that supports this theory? The human brain has three parts.
The oldest part of the brain is at the top of our spine and controls basic bodily functions.
The Limbic Brain is the oldest part of our brain. It controls such emotions as fear, which has been vital for mammals to survive. The development of the limbic brain has given us qualities that reptiles don’t have, like social bonds and playing with each other. The newest part of our brain is the Neocortex, which allows us to make decisions based on careful thinking rather than instinct.
As you will see in the following three points, this model of how our brains work helps us to understand why we behave the way that we do in relationships.
Big Idea #2: Feelings of attachment are the product of neurotransmitters such as serotonin and oxytocin in the brain.
Love and attachment are so powerful that they must be the product of something equally profound.
Unfortunately, this isn’t true. Love and attachment are the product of chemicals in the brain called neurotransmitters. One important neurotransmitter is serotonin, which can relieve feelings of anxiety and depression.
Serotonin can reduce the effects of grief and heartbreak in some people.
Those suffering from depression can use drugs to increase their serotonin levels. This helps them get over the fear of losing someone.
The second neurotransmitter responsible for attachment is oxytocin. It’s present during childbirth and plays a role in the bond between mother and child. Although it also plays a role in other types of attachments throughout life as well.
In a study of two species of prairie dog, the vole and the montane vole, it was observed that voles are monogamous in adulthood. They mate for life and spend much of their day sitting side by side. In contrast, the montane vole is promiscuous and often abandons its young.
