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1-Page Summary of The Art of Asking

Introduction

Amanda Palmer performed as a living statue, standing still and waiting for people to give her money. She did this because she wanted to be vulnerable and learn how to ask for help when it was needed.

Palmer was a musician who struggled to find success. She eventually turned to crowdfunding, which is when people pool their money together online for a cause they believe in and donate it. Palmer asked her fans for one million dollars, and 25,000 of them donated over one million dollars because she asked.

We ask for things every day. We ask for small things, like a quarter or the elevator being held, and we also ask for big things, like loans or an introduction to someone important. No matter what it is though, people struggle with asking because they’re afraid of being vulnerable or rejected. They’ve been taught that needing help means they’re failures. But we can’t succeed without asking other people because human connection is at the heart of everything we do in life.

The Bride

When you were a kid, did you ever notice patterns in things that other people didn’t see? Maybe the cracks of the sidewalk matched the lines of a fallen leaf or puffy clouds looked like trees and dogs. Did you tell your friends about these connections?

We all see the world around us in different ways. Some people are better at seeing connections between things than others. It takes courage to share your ideas with others, because you never know how they’ll react. We can learn from artists who have taken risks and shared their work with the world, because we’re all artists in our own way.

When Palmer graduated from college, she didn’t have a job lined up. She wanted to be a rock star and live her art, but she had no idea how that would work in real life. Of course, there was rent to pay.

So, she bought an old wedding dress at a charity shop. She put on white face paint, a veil, white gloves and a black wig. She gathered some flowers and dragged an old milk crate to the middle of Harvard Square in Cambridge. Then she stood on it for hours while people watched her from all around. It was terrifying at first because Palmer felt stupid and vulnerable standing there without moving or talking to anyone. But then someone gave her money for one of the flowers that she’d picked out earlier with the intention of giving away as gifts to random passersby who stopped by to watch her stand still like a statue in the middle of Harvard Square in Cambridge.

A woman was standing outside a building with her sign. Most people walked past, but some stopped to look at the sign and even talk to her. She felt good about that because she could connect with them.

As the bride, Palmer was desperate for help. She wasn’t begging; she was collaborating with her fans. Begging is asking someone to give you something without giving anything in return. It’s a one-way street, and it doesn’t create any real connections or relationships with other people. Asking for money in exchange for real interaction is much better than just begging because it creates an intimate connection between two people who can help each other out later on down the road if needed.

It’s true that not everyone understands this. Some people see others who are vulnerable and call them names, such as “loser” or “freak.” They may even say things like, ‘Get a job!’ when they really mean to say that they’re afraid to be open themselves.

Some days, Palmer felt guilty for daring to want something different. Who was she to try to make a living through art? Other days, she felt like an impostor and didn’t deserve that title of “artist.” But there is no correct way of being an artist or making art. You’re an artist when you can evoke feelings in people they weren’t having before.