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1-Page Summary of Verbal Judo
Overview
What’s the best way to get someone to do your bidding? The answer is: don’t threaten them. Verbal Judo (1993) is a book about how you can avoid arguments and still get what you want by using soft skills. Author George Thompson, who has black belts in judo and tae kwon do karate, shares his methods for resolving conflicts without raising your voice or getting into an argument.
Persuasion is a lost art. People resort to shouting and force to get what they want, which tends to create problems. Police officers who make too many arrests will probably have complaints filed against them. Employees who can’t please their customers might lose their jobs. Parents whose kids don’t listen give punishments that don’t work on those children. The good news is that most conflicts can be defused with effective communication techniques, such as the ones discussed here in this article by author.
In the martial art of judo, one redirects an opponent’s energy and minimizes violence. For example, by stepping to the side, a person can avoid a strike and use their own momentum against them. In this way, with minimal violence or force used on the part of the other person (or oneself), they are able to thwart that attack and gain control over it. Similarly in communication situations, good communicators repurpose destructive energy into something productive for themselves or others.
Verbal Judo is a communication technique derived from empathy. It involves looking at the world through someone else’s eyes, which makes it easier to communicate with them and find common ground. The best way to convince people to follow orders voluntarily is by helping them see why compliance benefits them in the long run. With patience and careful words, you can educate people about how they can make better decisions for themselves.
Bad communication can lead to misunderstandings and disasters. Verbal Judo teaches people how to communicate without anger and harsh words. It requires patience, kindness, and respect for others. Authority figures need to be calm even when they feel personally insulted or upset. They should repress the need to express their feelings in order to improve outcomes.
Police officers and other authority figures must be careful not to insult or wrong people. For example, if they punish someone without reason, the person will become resentful and less likely to comply with their orders. They should only punish when necessary. Most of the time people comply because it’s in their best interest to do so, but sometimes punishment is needed.
Arguing is never helpful, especially at work. Verbal Judo teaches you to avoid arguments and de-escalate conflicts in a professional way. It will make your life easier by improving your job performance and reducing stress.
Key Point 1: Good communicators empathize with their audience.
Empathy is the most important skill in communication. If you’re a police officer, for example, you have to understand what civilians are thinking and feeling in order to calm them down. The same goes for parents who want to relate better with their children. By empathizing with others, they can see things from another person’s point of view and thus improve their relationships with those people.
Every situation has at least two sides. A good communicator must adopt the other person’s point of view and try to understand what that person is gaining or losing from the situation. This requires empathy, which means acknowledging another person’s viewpoint instead of trying to convey a different one. Communication problems are caused by people who are too fixated on their own point of view, when they should be centering others’.
