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1-Page Summary of Reclaiming Conversation

Overview

Technology has changed our lives immensely. It’s both made us better and worse off. For example, smart phones are supposed to help connect people together but actually make them lonelier in the end.

Going out to eat, talking to your mom or going to a party used to be about the conversation. But now people are more interested in posting pictures of their food online, sending emails instead of calling their family members and checking social media at parties instead of talking with other guests. In short, face-to-face conversations have become obsolete.

Video chatting is the most common way to communicate with others. It’s easier than talking on the phone or in person, which has led us to become lazier communicators. As a result, we’re less connected and more lonely than before. This article will discuss how video chats aren’t as deep as real-life conversations, dating sites are overwhelming because of too many choices, and parents who talk on their phones instead of interacting with their kids have detrimental effects on them.

Big Idea #1: Digital communication is not as good as face-to-face conversation when it comes to creating authentic social connections.

You’re meeting a friend for drinks, and she pulls out her cell phone. Should you be offended?

Having a phone at the table when we’re talking with someone can make us more distant. We may even avoid sensitive conversations because of our worry that we’ll need to check our phones.

People feel less connected to each other when they have their phones out. This is a problem in general and people are not forming strong bonds because of digital media.

A recent study compared the communication between college students in person versus online. The results showed that the strongest emotional bond was created when communicating face-to-face.

In face-to-face communication, we can make a direct connection between what we say and how we feel. We also give each other more attention in person than if we were communicating digitally. For example, students will often do other things while Skyping instead of paying full attention to their conversation partner.

In the end, these new ways of interacting can have dire consequences. Studies show that college students are now displaying 40% fewer signs of empathy when interacting with others than they did 20 years ago.

Big Idea #2: Solitude and reflection are important for a healthy mind. Too much media can get in the way of that.

When was the last time you spent a whole evening on the internet and felt unhappy about it? It probably wasn’t too long ago. Why do we feel so bad when this happens? Because we’re not spending enough time alone.

Although you may be alone while surfing the internet, it’s not really solitude. Real solitude is when you have absolutely no distractions and can think about your life and identity.

Some people are unable to feel happy unless they’re posting or sharing something online. They need to share their emotions with others in order to feel it themselves.

We also need solitude for genuine self-reflection. For example, when we keep a journal and reflect on our lives, we express our honest feelings and reflect on the situation. In contrast, when we share information to an online newsfeed, we’re concerned with how people will judge what we post so instead of being honest about ourselves or the situation that caused us to post something online in the first place, it becomes more like a performance than anything else.

Being alone is important for everyone. It’s only when we are comfortable with ourselves that we can see others and listen to them.