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Overview

Humans are social animals. We’re born to connect with other people, but many of us don’t have the skills to do that effectively. Maybe we’re too shy or maybe we can’t empathize with others. However, if you want friends in your life, there’s hope! You’ll learn how to get people to like you by reading this article and using the same techniques as the FBI does when they recruit spies and informants!

In this article, you’ll learn why we only open our hearts to people we really like; how eyebrows and fireflies are similar; and why long-lasting relationships are all about love.

Big Idea #1: If you want someone to like you, follow the formula. Frequency, proximity, duration, intensity.

If you want to be liked, what should you do?

Most people would say to just be yourself, but the author disagrees. There is more to being liked than just being genuine. Being friends with someone is a formula that you can follow.

If you want to be liked by someone, the first thing you should do is spend time with that person.

People who are in the same space as you will tend to be drawn to one another. You can use this knowledge by being around them more often and getting along with them better.

Let’s say that FBI agent Charles is trying to befriend a foreign diplomat, codename Seagull. He can use proximity to make this happen by following Seagull on his daily route to the grocery store and sharing the same environment.

Charles worked to make Seagull more familiar with him by increasing the number of times that she would see him.

The formula for influencing people is time, intensity, and duration. Time is important because the more time you spend with someone, the more they’ll like you. Charles used this by following Seagull into the grocery store and spending a lot of time there together.

He also enlisted intensity by giving nonverbal cues such as nodding his head and catching Seagull’s eye. This made Seagull interested in Charles, who was always around him. By the time Charles introduced himself as a FBI agent, Seagull already saw him as a friend. Because of this familiarity, he agreed to be a spy for the FBI.

Big Idea #2: Nonverbal cues set the stage for a potential friendship. Eyebrows, head tilts and smiles speak volumes.

While fireflies and humans are very different, there’s one thing that they share in common. Fireflies flash their lights to attract mates. Similarly, people use eyebrow flashes as signals for positive attention.

Eyebrow flash is a non-verbal cue, which usually occurs when you approach someone. It’s a rapid up and down movement of your eyebrows lasting for around one sixth of a second. This signal tells the person you’re approaching that you don’t pose any threat to them.

A second cue is the head tilt. This gesture shows that you’re nonthreatening, since exposing your carotid arteries means that you trust the person to not hurt you. You only expose them to people who are harmless. If someone tilts their head toward you, they will be perceived as more friendly and honest than if they keep their heads upright. A third cue is a genuine smile, which makes a person seem likeable and less dominant when compared to someone with a frowning face.

A smile releases endorphins, which makes the person feel good. It’s also hard not to reciprocate a smile, making the other person happy too.

It’s important to make people feel good about themselves in order to befriend them.

Big Idea #3: You have to make people feel good about themselves if you want them to like you!

So, you’ve made your person of interest feel comfortable with you. Now it’s time to make contact. The golden rule says that if you want people to like you, then they need to feel good about themselves. This is a key component in successful relationships and even helped the author get upgraded on planes and persuade people to become spies!