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1-Page Summary of Codependent No More

Overview

Codependent No More is a self-help book about codependency and how to overcome it. It was originally published in 1986, but before codependency became widely recognized as a mental health issue.

Codependency is a very serious issue in relationships. The person who’s codependent may develop defensive behaviors, trying to control the relationship with an addict. Unfortunately, this results in them becoming obsessed and losing control of their own life. This means that both the addicted partner and the codependent partner need healing from addiction; neither can get better on their own.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, it’s not likely that you’ll have codependency. However, if the person is addicted to something else such as sex, gambling or gaming, there’s a good chance that you’ll develop codependency. The first step towards healing from this condition is realizing that you can’t control the addict and detaching yourself by following steps provided in books on the subject. You must also gain control over your life and take care of yourself.

Key Takeaways

Codependency is a complex issue. Understanding the complexity of codependency is key to healing from it.

Codependents are usually reactionary, but they can learn to make better decisions and understand that they aren’t powerless.

When you’re codependent on someone else, you tend to detach yourself from your own feelings and needs. In order to heal from being codependent, you need to stop obsessing over the addict’s behavior and start focusing on taking care of yourself.

Codependents are people who try to control others. However, they end up being controlled by their own attempts to control others. In order for them to heal and move on with their lives, they must become undependent from the need to control people. When it comes to addicts, codependents are caretakers, rescuers, and enablers of them. As a result of this behavior that leads into a drama triangle where the codependent will rescue an addict or other person in trouble and then feel persecuted by that person when he or she is rescued (persecuted), resulting in feeling like a victim themselves.

Codependents feel crazy because they get wrapped up in other people’s business. They must learn to take care of themselves and not be responsible for the addict. They must learn to deal with their own emotions and feelings by allowing them to surface.

There is a higher power that wants to help us. Twelve-step programs can be helpful for codependents, as they learn how to become undependent and start living again.

Key Takeaway 1: Codependency is a complex issue and understanding that complexity is key to healing.

Although codependency is similar, the treatment of it is complex because everyone has different experiences. For example, if a person grew up in an abusive household and was abused by their parents as a child, they will respond differently to situations than someone who did not grow up in that environment.

For example, a child who is raised with certain rules will have different difficulties in life than one who isn’t. If the child grows up repressing their emotions, they’ll likely struggle with codependency later on as an adult. Further, if the person has a more passive personality than aggressive, they may react differently to situations that involve helping someone else overcome addiction or overeating. Finally, if two people are in a relationship together where one of them drinks too much alcohol and the other doesn’t drink at all (or eats too much), each person will experience codependency differently because of their differences in personalities.