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1-Page Summary of 30 Lessons for Loving

Overview

Although divorce rates have risen in recent years, people still believe that they will find their soulmate. Technology has made it easier to find a fling, but the process of breaking up is just as simple.

So, how do we navigate the troubled waters of love? And to whom can we turn for advice on making the right decisions in our romantic lives? How about your grandparents, who have been happily married for over 60 years.

These key points offer you valuable lessons from 700 elderly people who have experienced healthy and rewarding long-term relationships. You’ll learn what makes a relationship work and what doesn’t, as well as how to interpret that “sinking feeling” in your stomach, deflate an argument with food, and do something if your child starts pooping all over you.

Big Idea #1: Looking to previous generations for relationship advice is sage, as they’ve essentially seen it all.

Relationships are important in life. They can last a lifetime and form the basis of lifelong companionship and love. However, how do you build a relationship that lasts? That’s an age-old question that has been asked for centuries.

While this quest may seem challenging, there are some concrete answers out there. The author conducted the largest study of long-term marriages and interviewed people who had been together for 30 years or more to get their insights on relationships and marriage. These interviews were insightful because they included nuanced experiences that many books lack, which focus either on the good or bad in relationships.

The author interviewed 711 Americans aged 65 or older, and found no difference in the advice given by same-sex couples versus heterosexual pairs.

So, what can we learn from the older generation? Although times have changed, people who are older have experienced more events in their lives. Therefore, they’ve had a greater chance to gain wisdom and knowledge.

This generation has experienced the same issues that many young couples face, so they’re a valuable resource for offering advice.

Are you ready to learn how to find the right partner and maintain a relationship that lasts? Do it by learning from those who have been in successful relationships.

Big Idea #2: Trust your heart, but also listen to your head. Finding the perfect mate is a combination of the two.

Like many people, you’ve probably struggled with knowing whether someone is right for you. Most people would say that you can never know for sure, but there are a few strategies to help find your life partner. When faced with the decision of committing to someone, it’s essential to follow your heart. One indicator is especially crucial: It’s called “the in-love feeling,” and you should not marry someone if they don’t have it. So what is this feeling? It’s an intuitive sensation that things just feel right between two people; moreover, as 65-year-old Bryant Walker put it, this feeling often comes along with the inability to see an end to the relationship. This means following your heart when deciding on who will be your life partner.

It’s important to know when things are right, but it might be even more important to know when things are wrong. Kathy Andrews spent 20 years in a bad marriage before she finally got out and found happiness again.

So, what was wrong with Andrews’s first marriage? Before she got married, Andrews often felt that something wasn’t quite right. She tried to ignore those feelings because she was proud of her husband and didn’t want to think anything bad about him.

30 Lessons for Loving Book Summary, by Karl Pillemer